1. CONSERVATIVE: the only recognisable aspect of "conservatism" that the modern Borys have is the name and rosette colour; little if anything would be different if Gordo the Snot-gobbler had won. CONCLUSION: Soft social and economic interventionism.
2. LABOUR: Bodily, the Blairite slimieness of the past government is now dried and caked on grime surrounding an unwashed, old-labour malcontent, mortally beaten half to death with metal bars. CONCLUSION: Confused hard left economic interventionism marred by a desire to appear to be that mythical unicorn beast known as "the centre ground", which we all call "pleasing no one". Potentially Foot 2.0 without the donkey jacket.
3. LIBERAL
DEMOCRAT: Neither liberal nor democratic, a mere shell of very confused
oldguard sandalistas and even more confused liberal-party members who
don't have a local liberal party branch. CONCLUSION: Will lose 50-80% of
their seats to Labourious and Borys (split by UKIP and Greens). Clegg
will become Mandelson 2.0 as new EU Commissionaire.
4. UKIP: one time lovable rogue intellectuals of the liberal and conservative parties, now cantankerous, confused misanthropes incapable of intellectual change or reasoning, ruled by a shifty personality cult of a middling talent politician. CONCLUSION: Will split few votes to Bory or Laborious candidates but unlikely to get any more than its current candidates. Farage will be kicked out of leadership.
5. GREEN PARTY: Confused enviroloons swelled by exiting Lib Dem sandalistas and identity-repressed ex-old-labour. CONCLUSION: Will return one MP, maybe a second in another Brighton ward. Likely will split labour/lib dem vote in Labour's favour.
6. SNP: crapping itself having been hulled below water line on economic plans predicated on expensive oil. Essentially old-labour pandering to quasi-socialist Scottish voters subsidised by Southern money and patriotism. CONCLUSION: May indirectly cause Labour to lose Scotland en masse which could (could) result in a majority Bory government.
OVERALL CONCLUSION: Minority Bory government most likely, unless Scottish hold their nose and rout Labourious hold of parliament in Scotland and refuse coalition with unreformist Labour (who, cynically, won't give them further devolution powers as the call to answer the West Lothian question would become irresistible and leave them out of government for generations at least). None of the parties are, in truth offering anything special or profound, only caretaker modes of varying hues until global events dictate ultimately where we go as a nation - likely the toilet.
4. UKIP: one time lovable rogue intellectuals of the liberal and conservative parties, now cantankerous, confused misanthropes incapable of intellectual change or reasoning, ruled by a shifty personality cult of a middling talent politician. CONCLUSION: Will split few votes to Bory or Laborious candidates but unlikely to get any more than its current candidates. Farage will be kicked out of leadership.
5. GREEN PARTY: Confused enviroloons swelled by exiting Lib Dem sandalistas and identity-repressed ex-old-labour. CONCLUSION: Will return one MP, maybe a second in another Brighton ward. Likely will split labour/lib dem vote in Labour's favour.
6. SNP: crapping itself having been hulled below water line on economic plans predicated on expensive oil. Essentially old-labour pandering to quasi-socialist Scottish voters subsidised by Southern money and patriotism. CONCLUSION: May indirectly cause Labour to lose Scotland en masse which could (could) result in a majority Bory government.
OVERALL CONCLUSION: Minority Bory government most likely, unless Scottish hold their nose and rout Labourious hold of parliament in Scotland and refuse coalition with unreformist Labour (who, cynically, won't give them further devolution powers as the call to answer the West Lothian question would become irresistible and leave them out of government for generations at least). None of the parties are, in truth offering anything special or profound, only caretaker modes of varying hues until global events dictate ultimately where we go as a nation - likely the toilet.
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